I do everything with an unnecessarily intricate detail because I have nothing to do. In a new country and a seemingly new world, where I am living with some people I have never talked to before in my life, one may think there would be so much to explore and so many places to go to- just so much to do. But the truth is disappointing. I have not had a fruitful conversation in two days. Nobody calls my name and when they do, it is addressed to the other girl here who shares my name. It is unsatisfying, frustrating and most of the time agonising.
Its a new place I have been to before. But this time it is new because of the circumstances. I have never left such amazing friends back home and life had never been so interesting. I am afraid that was the high point and it won’t be beat.  I am scared of having to start over as an introvert. I am intimidated by all the new faces that haven’t seen mine yet.
I have no comfort yet- no home even. But there is hope- despite having vowed to never hope again. There is silence. I have barely heard my own voice in a long time. And there is ranting. But most importantly, there is here and now and that is all I have.